Psychiatric hotline

Ring!
Ring!
-click-
Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line while we trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press…no one will answer.
Beep!