Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Potato Bugs

One night in 1963 I was on door watch in a building at the Mare Island Naval Shipyard. The largest, scariest bug I had ever seen came crawling toward me out of the darkness. If you remember the kids plastic 'Cootie' toy of that era, that is what it resembled. I later learned it was a potato bug, a harmless critter common in California. Here is a spoof on the bug from the web.Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things: "Q: I have potato bugs in my vegetable garden. How can I rid myself of these pesky critters?
A: Drench your entire yard with gasoline and set it ablaze. Once the fire has burned itself out and the ground has cooled, cultivate the soil to a depth of seven feet, saturate the area with battery acid and top the surface with gasoline. After a few minutes, most of the surviving potato bugs, now irritated, will burrow up for air. Set the yard on fire again, and let it burn itself out. The remaining bugs should be crisped. Add water. Only then, and only maybe, will you rid yourself of potato bugs.

POTATO BUGS AS PETS?
As most species of potato bug are good climbers and can gnaw through 12-gauge steel mesh, a tight fitting lid is required made of a good quality 16-grade galvanized sheet steel with nail holes (no bigger) to allow for air flow. The walls of the cage should be galvanized steel backed with 5/8' plywood, carefully mitered at corners and reinforced with L brackets to prevent escape. Wood screws are preferred over nails for assembly, as potato bugs have been known to ram against the walls until the nails eventually loosen from the wood and work free, compromising the integrity of the structure, and allowing the creatures to infest your house and lay eggs in your ear canal or anus.